I have been lacking so much in this blog, that it is near criminal.

I love writing. I love blogging. So why have I put this as well as other numerous things that I love to do, on the fucking backburner?
Specificially this year?

Because, to be honest, my marriage is failing.

There. I said it.

And when one’s marriage is failing, and falling, and pieces are flying, and children are involved, you tend to let things slip away. Including your blogs, and your videos, and your writing, and your enjoyment and your joy and your pieces and parts of everyday life.

This year has sucked. Pretty damn bad. I haven’t had such a shit year, in soooo very long. I should be thankful, but as we all know, when it rains, it pours and I don’t mean a storm of cleaning rain- I mean a storm of shit.
Pretty visual- eh?

I will spare the details. I will spare the insane amount of time that this has gone on. I will spare all that stupid woe is me bullshit.

But I refuse to spare myself anymore. I have to do what I have to do. I Have to go on. And I have to enjoy life again.

I am not going anywhere, I will never let who I am, slip away anymore.

I am about to venture out into the cold air of Ohio and take my children to the library.

I promised them three nights ago, if they took their medicine and went to bed, we would and I quote “Mommy will take you both to the library! Won’t that be fun!?” they responded “YAY!!! LIBRARY!!!!”.

To my surprise, they both took it and went straight to sleep.

So of course, they marked today on their tiny little mental calendars, and when I woke up this early morn, they were both in my face.

Mya: “MOM!!!!!!!! TODAY! Today we go to the library!”
Keifer: “LI-BRA-REEEEEEEEEEEE”
Both of them in unison: “YAAYYYYYY?”
Me: “ooga. huh?” rubs eyes. wakes. gets coffee.

I am still in my pajamas. They, including the baby, are all naked. with diapers and underwear. They look like village babies.

They keep screaming “LIBRAREEEEEEEEEEEE!” as if it’s the secret word of the day, like on the Pee Wee Herman show.

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!”. Then the baby screams because he has to chime in as well. “AHHHH AHHHHH MUM!”

I need to get motivated. I promised them. But I can’t move. I am still drinking coffee. I have to get them all dressed, not sure if I am going to walk there in the brisk winter air, or if my husband will drop us off, which would require me dressing another individual. He said he didn’t mind. But I might, I don’t wanna dress 4 people including myself. I think the stroller and the feet will have to do. I can’t dress one more person.

Once we get there, I will juggle the two older ones as my husband gets to sit at home with the baby and relax in quiet. Lucky man. I owe it to him after he has been home all week, trying to relax during his much awaited vacation. He hasn’t had a full week off in the 6 years he has worked his fingers off. And instead of relaxation, the man has helped me juggle the three chilrens, taking the baby to the doctor twice this week, helping out with laundry, cooking, cleaning, letting me sleep in until 1 o’clock on my birthday. I know he deserves this day with the baby and nothing else.

It won’t be so bad. My kids love books, they love to read, they need to get out of the house and get air, and maybe when we get back they won’t be eating each other’s flesh and actually be tamed for a little while.

Then we can all have a nice dinner, which is simmering in the crock pot as I speak. My homemade BBQ shredded pork. I make my own sauce and everything. We put it on buns and eat it with slaw or with mac salad. I love my crock pot. It’s from heaven.

So, as I venture forth into this cold world, with two kids in tow, going to the library (YAY!), keep me in mind. Send me good vibes, that we all make it back alive.
hee hee.

Library! Yay!

I met my husband eight years ago today.

During a blind date I almost didn’t go to. But my hair was acting good that night. So, I went.

Lots of love, blah blah blah. Good sex, blah blah blah. I love you, blah blah blah. Will you marry me? Blah blah blah, pretty baby girl, blah blah blah. Gorgeous baby boy, blah blah blah. Sad stuff, blah blah blah. Gorgeous second baby boy again blah blah blah. Eight years later.

The rest is history.

I was going to write a big assed mushy post, worthy of mush awards.
But I had a bad night.
Filled with children chaos, hair, baby chaos, baby poop, hair, and a fried chicken gut that is bloated.
And more random hair.

I attempted to give The Girl’s hair some layers. It looks good now, but I dunno what will happen by morning. Or better yet, when it grows out.

I don’t feel good. I ate too much chicken.

And also, my brother called to tell me my mother has taken a turn for the worst. She’s not dying, but I keep thinking she is. She has had the flu since friday and now is vomiting madly. So, now my brother who never freaks about anything, because he is cooooool- is freaking.
Now, I am freaking.
And wondering if she has something worse.
She is also working while being sick, because she just started a job so she can’t call off kinda thing- and so she comes home heaving and hysterical. And a few minutes ago, I heard half of a newscast that said something about a possible epidemic of the bird flu, so now of course, I think my mother has the bird flu. And also my kids are going back into crystal bubbles. Because the newscast said something about plague like proportions possible and a 72% mortality rate, and that my county has had plans since 9-11 to set up vaccination areas in schools and to vaccinate 20,000 people at a time. And then the last shot they showed on the newscast was a snowy cemetary with violins and organs playing. So, now, I got terrorists in our backyards in my mind that planted the bird flu and we are all gonna die. And also, since we all ate chicken for dinner, we are gonna be one of the firsts. Why don’t they give out the vaccinations before it gets to epidemic proportions? And then I start to freak, and my husband reminds me that I only saw half of the newscast and that, in particular, that station likes to run news stories as if they are soap operas.

How is that for a bad run on sentence/paragraph/freak out?

So, yea. That’s why I don’t feel romantic tonight.

My husband hearts me.

I have to show you and tell you what he got me, because it was so sweet the way he did it. So funny, so him.

I was going to get him an Xbox last week. I was going to be sneaky about it. But decided one day to tell him to go buy it. Which he did. Now I wished I could have surprised him the way he did me.

He comes into the kitchen yesterday after a long trip to the grocery store. Hands me only a CVS bag and goes ” Everywhere you go, Valentine’s Day this and Valentine’s Day that… blahh blahhhh blahhhh….” with a scowl on his face.

Yea, I was like, “what’s crawled up his bum?”.

I opened the CVS bag to get whatever is in it. I was expecting donuts from the grocery store bakery, damnit. Why didn’t he go to the bakery? And where are the groceries?

In the CVS bag, along with cough drops and other toiletries… is a jewelry box.

“What’s this?” I go.

“Huh? Open it. I dunno…” he says with that shit eating grin of his that is famous.

My daughter went with him and is standing there with her tongue on the side of her mouth. “Open it MOOOOOM!!!!”

I open it and there is the most gorgeous diamond heart pendant ever. With a necklace. “IS THIS REAL? ARE THESE DIAMONDS? OH MY GOD!” I started to cry. I hugged him so tight. “It’s not from CVS baby!” he laughs. And my daughter is standing there giggling and clapping her hands.

I keep crying. I can’t see. My eyes are flooded.

You see, we never really get to do things for each other. We never have extra money to get things when holidays come. And they usually go with the children being spoiled rotten and us sitting there being happy we could provide them with their dreams. But lately, we have been blessed. Blessed enough to buy each other things, and you forget how special it feels when you can buy someone you love something.

“I wanted to do something nice for you. I wanted to show you how much I love you. I love you, Mari.” Said the handsome man.

He doesn’t have to show me anything. He has done that by being by my side for 8 years as of the 22nd of this month. For helping me bring three beautiful babies into this world. And for working so hard to provide us with things.

I love him. I love him more than ever. And not because he bought me diamonds. Because he gave me a heart. He gave me his heart 8 years ago, in another shape other than baguette formed.

I love you Keith.

And yea, be bought me donuts, too.

LOOK HOW IT GLITTERS, SO!
Ok… I animated it.