I have been lacking so much in this blog, that it is near criminal.

I love writing. I love blogging. So why have I put this as well as other numerous things that I love to do, on the fucking backburner?
Specificially this year?

Because, to be honest, my marriage is failing.

There. I said it.

And when one’s marriage is failing, and falling, and pieces are flying, and children are involved, you tend to let things slip away. Including your blogs, and your videos, and your writing, and your enjoyment and your joy and your pieces and parts of everyday life.

This year has sucked. Pretty damn bad. I haven’t had such a shit year, in soooo very long. I should be thankful, but as we all know, when it rains, it pours and I don’t mean a storm of cleaning rain- I mean a storm of shit.
Pretty visual- eh?

I will spare the details. I will spare the insane amount of time that this has gone on. I will spare all that stupid woe is me bullshit.

But I refuse to spare myself anymore. I have to do what I have to do. I Have to go on. And I have to enjoy life again.

I am not going anywhere, I will never let who I am, slip away anymore.

I am about to venture out into the cold air of Ohio and take my children to the library.

I promised them three nights ago, if they took their medicine and went to bed, we would and I quote “Mommy will take you both to the library! Won’t that be fun!?” they responded “YAY!!! LIBRARY!!!!”.

To my surprise, they both took it and went straight to sleep.

So of course, they marked today on their tiny little mental calendars, and when I woke up this early morn, they were both in my face.

Mya: “MOM!!!!!!!! TODAY! Today we go to the library!”
Keifer: “LI-BRA-REEEEEEEEEEEE”
Both of them in unison: “YAAYYYYYY?”
Me: “ooga. huh?” rubs eyes. wakes. gets coffee.

I am still in my pajamas. They, including the baby, are all naked. with diapers and underwear. They look like village babies.

They keep screaming “LIBRAREEEEEEEEEEEE!” as if it’s the secret word of the day, like on the Pee Wee Herman show.

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!”. Then the baby screams because he has to chime in as well. “AHHHH AHHHHH MUM!”

I need to get motivated. I promised them. But I can’t move. I am still drinking coffee. I have to get them all dressed, not sure if I am going to walk there in the brisk winter air, or if my husband will drop us off, which would require me dressing another individual. He said he didn’t mind. But I might, I don’t wanna dress 4 people including myself. I think the stroller and the feet will have to do. I can’t dress one more person.

Once we get there, I will juggle the two older ones as my husband gets to sit at home with the baby and relax in quiet. Lucky man. I owe it to him after he has been home all week, trying to relax during his much awaited vacation. He hasn’t had a full week off in the 6 years he has worked his fingers off. And instead of relaxation, the man has helped me juggle the three chilrens, taking the baby to the doctor twice this week, helping out with laundry, cooking, cleaning, letting me sleep in until 1 o’clock on my birthday. I know he deserves this day with the baby and nothing else.

It won’t be so bad. My kids love books, they love to read, they need to get out of the house and get air, and maybe when we get back they won’t be eating each other’s flesh and actually be tamed for a little while.

Then we can all have a nice dinner, which is simmering in the crock pot as I speak. My homemade BBQ shredded pork. I make my own sauce and everything. We put it on buns and eat it with slaw or with mac salad. I love my crock pot. It’s from heaven.

So, as I venture forth into this cold world, with two kids in tow, going to the library (YAY!), keep me in mind. Send me good vibes, that we all make it back alive.
hee hee.

Library! Yay!

If you are a mother… whether working mother, stay at home mother, work at home mother. Read this article. I found it very interesting.

Sometimes we feel so alone. Until others come out and confess, or as this articles author, has realized.

We can’t do it all. No matter how much we want to. And sometimes we need someone to write something in order for us to get into our thick skulls.